Marriage, that big "M Word". Some run from it and for some it is a goal to achieve, while others are in it. We can find ourselves stumbling around to be the perfect spouse or even to find the right one for us. For me I had never wanted to be re-married. Yes I was once married before and it was not a pleasant experience but wrought with abuse and pain. I know I stayed in that marriage much longer then I should have but I wanted to honor my vows and try to make it work.
What did I learn from that experience, has been priceless. Though painful both physically and emotionally, that past marriage was, I survived and still am able to love and be loved. I know much has to do with me actually reaching out for help and getting counseling. I didn't give up. Oh I wanted to, but I didn't. I still am amazed that I pulled through and here I am married again and with two children.
In my first marriage there lacked a balance and a respect. My then husband, felt women were lesser then men and should be "obedient". Now, no where in our wedding vows, did it say, "To love, honor and obey" but in his mind he believed that "To love, honor and cherish" were one and the same. THEY ARE NOT!
As I look back, and remember my studies into Ancient Greek and Hebrew under Dr. Sam Middlebrook, (whom I was blessed to study under and call friend), there was often confusion and misunderstanding, when trying to translate to English. For example, in the book of Genesis, God makes Adam and "Help Meet" who is Eve.
Those two words have been used to belittle a woman and her role in this world from what God had intended because of the lack of understanding what the Hebrew words actually meant. I have found in studying these ancient languages, that there can be many words used for the same English word, but each one has a slightly different meaning. It is so beautiful to read when you are able to see what was actually intended to be said and not such a rough and standard translation, such as the King James Version, which was translated from Latin and not from it's original roots.
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God said, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.” - Genesis 2:18 The Message
18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet for him.” Genesis 2:18 KJV
Here is the same verse but they are so different in how you read them. The version from The Message was translated directly from the original Hebrew, while the King James Version was translated from the Latin Bible. These subtleties make a major difference.
The first translation, shows woman as a helper and companion, equal to her husband, while the later, demeans the woman's role to a non-equal. So what was the original Hebrew words used for "Help Meet"?
Ezer Kenegdo were the Hebrew words chosen to explain the role of Eve, woman. These two words are quite powerful together and in essence describe woman, as Man's equal and protector. Woman is the feminine side of God while Man is the masculine. Both sides are needed to make a complete and whole understanding of God.
Let's take a look at the word Ezer. In Hebrew it means, help and is the root of azer, which means that this help is "to surround, to aide, to protect." Just take a moment and think on this. Is woman often shown or depicted as a protector? Usually you picture some strong man taking leadership to protect those around him or his family. Here we are beginning to see that woman was created to help, aide and protect man.
Now it's time to dive into the word kenegdo. This Hebrew word is only found once in the Bible. Remember there are many ways to say one English word in Hebrew. Hebrew as in other languages makes more precise distinctions in their meanings then the simple English language. So what does kenedgo mean? Well it means, "corresponding to, counterpart to, equal to matching." Just let this all soak in.
I appreciate The Message's translation that woman is a helper and a companion. Have you ever considered what it means to be someone's companion? Let's take a look at the definition of companion.
>
com·pan·ion 1
Here we have a few ways companion can be defined. The gist of this is, that a companion can be someone who is with the other person, living with them, and can be part of a pair. I do kind of like that.
Both men and women are equal and create a balance when together. Neither is greater or better then the other but there for one another. Each has different perspectives and strengths and weaknesses, this does not make one better then the other.
I grow tired of seeing the Bible used to put women in lesser roles or try to diminish a woman's right to be strong and vibrant! God never created woman to be man's doormat. Men need women and vice versa.
So here I am married now and my husband, my companion, is the embodiment of what a man should be. He is not full of insecurities or un-trusting. He strong and loving and works side by side with me. Our roles at home are equal and we share the duties of caring for our children and the housework. Each of us different in how we may handle these roles but it brings happiness and joy to our home. There is love and romance and lots of fun in our marriage. We appreciate each other and let it be known everyday not just with our words but our actions.
I feel whole in this marriage to my Husband and he feels the same. We are in deed one but separate and equal. Our marriage keeps growing stronger and even more exciting which is something I never dreamed possible. I found the right partner for me to share this wonderful thing called life. I hope others share such a strong and loving commitment to another, because it makes life so worth living.
I use to live in fear and worry each day when I woke up what it would be like or if my ex-husband would be in a good mood. I use to think that I was the one responsible for making him happy and if he wasn't then I failed. I now know that is wrong.
There is no fear or worry anymore. There is no burden to be responsible for my spouses mood. He is responsible for his choices and if he wants to be happy or not. Now, yes I do hope I can make him happy and help him carry his load but I am not solely responsible to carry it all. He reciprocates back to me the love, help and support and there we find the balance and the burdens of life are so much lighter for us both!
Nathan and I have been together for nearly 7 years and to this day, some say, we act like newlyweds. We giggle and smile at each other when this is mentioned. It is almost like a secret wink shared between us.
When we first met, neither of us were looking for someone and marriage was not an option for our lives. I never wanted to remarry after what I went through before. Nathan was happy, and not wanting to be married or have children. However as we grew closer together, what we thought we wanted in life and what we thought was going to bring happiness, changed.
We wanted to be a family and raise children together. No there was no over the top romantic proposal from my husband. We both just looked at each other one day and agreed marriage would be best for us and went out and bought rings. Yes it was quite spontaneous in a way and our families were both overjoyed for us.
I love being married to Nathan. It just keeps getting better and better with him and the thought of growing old with him is so exciting! My wish for each of you reading this, is to find such joy and happiness in marriage and not find it a burden to maintain.
*On a side note, I do highly recommend reading The Message, if you want to see how the scriptures were intended to be read and understood, without the breaks that the King James Version and other verses created. It is enlightening and enjoyable, giving a fresh perspective on the teachings in both the Old and New Testaments.
What did I learn from that experience, has been priceless. Though painful both physically and emotionally, that past marriage was, I survived and still am able to love and be loved. I know much has to do with me actually reaching out for help and getting counseling. I didn't give up. Oh I wanted to, but I didn't. I still am amazed that I pulled through and here I am married again and with two children.
In my first marriage there lacked a balance and a respect. My then husband, felt women were lesser then men and should be "obedient". Now, no where in our wedding vows, did it say, "To love, honor and obey" but in his mind he believed that "To love, honor and cherish" were one and the same. THEY ARE NOT!
As I look back, and remember my studies into Ancient Greek and Hebrew under Dr. Sam Middlebrook, (whom I was blessed to study under and call friend), there was often confusion and misunderstanding, when trying to translate to English. For example, in the book of Genesis, God makes Adam and "Help Meet" who is Eve.
Those two words have been used to belittle a woman and her role in this world from what God had intended because of the lack of understanding what the Hebrew words actually meant. I have found in studying these ancient languages, that there can be many words used for the same English word, but each one has a slightly different meaning. It is so beautiful to read when you are able to see what was actually intended to be said and not such a rough and standard translation, such as the King James Version, which was translated from Latin and not from it's original roots.
>
God said, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.” - Genesis 2:18 The Message
18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet for him.” Genesis 2:18 KJV
Here is the same verse but they are so different in how you read them. The version from The Message was translated directly from the original Hebrew, while the King James Version was translated from the Latin Bible. These subtleties make a major difference.
The first translation, shows woman as a helper and companion, equal to her husband, while the later, demeans the woman's role to a non-equal. So what was the original Hebrew words used for "Help Meet"?
Ezer Kenegdo were the Hebrew words chosen to explain the role of Eve, woman. These two words are quite powerful together and in essence describe woman, as Man's equal and protector. Woman is the feminine side of God while Man is the masculine. Both sides are needed to make a complete and whole understanding of God.
Let's take a look at the word Ezer. In Hebrew it means, help and is the root of azer, which means that this help is "to surround, to aide, to protect." Just take a moment and think on this. Is woman often shown or depicted as a protector? Usually you picture some strong man taking leadership to protect those around him or his family. Here we are beginning to see that woman was created to help, aide and protect man.
Now it's time to dive into the word kenegdo. This Hebrew word is only found once in the Bible. Remember there are many ways to say one English word in Hebrew. Hebrew as in other languages makes more precise distinctions in their meanings then the simple English language. So what does kenedgo mean? Well it means, "corresponding to, counterpart to, equal to matching." Just let this all soak in.
I appreciate The Message's translation that woman is a helper and a companion. Have you ever considered what it means to be someone's companion? Let's take a look at the definition of companion.
>
com·pan·ion 1
n.
1.
a. A person who accompanies or associates with another; a comrade.
b. A domestic partner.
2. A person employed to assist, live with, or travel with another.
3. One of a pair or set of things; a mate
Here we have a few ways companion can be defined. The gist of this is, that a companion can be someone who is with the other person, living with them, and can be part of a pair. I do kind of like that.
Both men and women are equal and create a balance when together. Neither is greater or better then the other but there for one another. Each has different perspectives and strengths and weaknesses, this does not make one better then the other.
I grow tired of seeing the Bible used to put women in lesser roles or try to diminish a woman's right to be strong and vibrant! God never created woman to be man's doormat. Men need women and vice versa.
So here I am married now and my husband, my companion, is the embodiment of what a man should be. He is not full of insecurities or un-trusting. He strong and loving and works side by side with me. Our roles at home are equal and we share the duties of caring for our children and the housework. Each of us different in how we may handle these roles but it brings happiness and joy to our home. There is love and romance and lots of fun in our marriage. We appreciate each other and let it be known everyday not just with our words but our actions.
I feel whole in this marriage to my Husband and he feels the same. We are in deed one but separate and equal. Our marriage keeps growing stronger and even more exciting which is something I never dreamed possible. I found the right partner for me to share this wonderful thing called life. I hope others share such a strong and loving commitment to another, because it makes life so worth living.
I use to live in fear and worry each day when I woke up what it would be like or if my ex-husband would be in a good mood. I use to think that I was the one responsible for making him happy and if he wasn't then I failed. I now know that is wrong.
There is no fear or worry anymore. There is no burden to be responsible for my spouses mood. He is responsible for his choices and if he wants to be happy or not. Now, yes I do hope I can make him happy and help him carry his load but I am not solely responsible to carry it all. He reciprocates back to me the love, help and support and there we find the balance and the burdens of life are so much lighter for us both!
Nathan and I have been together for nearly 7 years and to this day, some say, we act like newlyweds. We giggle and smile at each other when this is mentioned. It is almost like a secret wink shared between us.
When we first met, neither of us were looking for someone and marriage was not an option for our lives. I never wanted to remarry after what I went through before. Nathan was happy, and not wanting to be married or have children. However as we grew closer together, what we thought we wanted in life and what we thought was going to bring happiness, changed.
We wanted to be a family and raise children together. No there was no over the top romantic proposal from my husband. We both just looked at each other one day and agreed marriage would be best for us and went out and bought rings. Yes it was quite spontaneous in a way and our families were both overjoyed for us.
I love being married to Nathan. It just keeps getting better and better with him and the thought of growing old with him is so exciting! My wish for each of you reading this, is to find such joy and happiness in marriage and not find it a burden to maintain.
*On a side note, I do highly recommend reading The Message, if you want to see how the scriptures were intended to be read and understood, without the breaks that the King James Version and other verses created. It is enlightening and enjoyable, giving a fresh perspective on the teachings in both the Old and New Testaments.
Thank you for sharing your lovely story.
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