Marriage and the mis-use of "Help Meet"

Marriage, that big "M Word".  Some run from it and for some it is a goal to achieve, while others are in it.  We can find ourselves stumbling around to be the perfect spouse or even to find the right one for us.  For me I had never wanted to be re-married.  Yes I was once married before and it was not a pleasant experience but wrought with abuse and pain.  I know I stayed in that marriage much longer then I should have but I wanted to honor my vows and try to make it work.

What did I learn from that experience, has been priceless.  Though painful both physically and emotionally, that past marriage was, I survived and still am able to love and be loved.  I know much has to do with me actually reaching out for help and getting counseling.  I didn't give up.  Oh I wanted to, but I didn't.  I still am amazed that I pulled through and here I am married again and with two children.

In my first marriage there lacked a balance and a respect.  My then husband, felt women were lesser then men and should be "obedient".  Now, no where in our wedding vows, did it say, "To love, honor and obey" but in his mind he believed that "To love, honor and cherish" were one and the same.  THEY ARE NOT!  

As I look back, and remember my studies into Ancient Greek and Hebrew under Dr. Sam Middlebrook, (whom I was blessed to study under and call friend), there was often confusion and misunderstanding, when trying to translate to English.  For example, in the book of Genesis, God makes Adam and "Help Meet" who is Eve.  

Those two words have been used to belittle a woman and her role in this world from what God had intended because of the lack of understanding what the Hebrew words actually meant.  I have found in studying these ancient languages, that there can be many words used for the same English word, but each one has a slightly different meaning.  It is so beautiful to read when you are able to see what was actually intended to be said and not such a rough and standard translation, such as the King James Version, which was translated from Latin and not from it's original roots.  

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God said, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.” -  Genesis 2:18 The Message


18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet for him.”  Genesis 2:18 KJV

Here is the same verse but they are so different in how you read them.  The version from The Message was translated directly from the original Hebrew, while the King James Version was translated from the Latin Bible.  These subtleties make a major difference. 

The first translation, shows woman as a helper and companion, equal to her husband, while the later, demeans the woman's role to a non-equal.  So what was the original Hebrew words used for "Help Meet"?

Ezer Kenegdo were the Hebrew words chosen to explain the role of Eve, woman.  These two words are quite powerful together and in essence describe woman, as Man's equal and protector.  Woman is the feminine side of God while Man is the masculine.  Both sides are needed to make a complete and whole understanding of God.  

Let's take a look at the word Ezer.  In Hebrew it means, help and is the root of azer, which means that this help is "to surround, to aide, to protect."  Just take a moment and think on this.  Is woman often shown or depicted as a protector?  Usually you picture some strong man taking leadership to protect those around him or his family.  Here we are beginning to see that woman was created to help, aide and protect man.  

Now it's time to dive into the word kenegdo.  This Hebrew word is only found once in the Bible.  Remember there are many ways to say one English word in Hebrew.  Hebrew as in other languages makes more precise distinctions in their meanings then the simple English language.  So what does kenedgo mean?  Well it means, "corresponding to, counterpart to, equal to matching."  Just let this all soak in.  

I appreciate The Message's translation that woman is a helper and a companion.  Have you ever considered what it means to be someone's companion?  Let's take a look at the definition of companion.
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com·pan·ion ¹  

n.

1.

a. A person who accompanies or associates with another; a comrade.

b. A domestic partner.

2. A person employed to assist, live with, or travel with another.

3. One of a pair or set of things; a mate

Here we have a few ways companion can be defined.  The gist of this is, that a companion can be someone who is with the other person, living with them, and can be part of a pair.  I do kind of like that.

Both men and women are equal and create a balance when together.  Neither is greater or better then the other but there for one another.  Each has different perspectives and strengths and weaknesses, this does not make one better then the other.

I grow tired of seeing the Bible used to put women in lesser roles or try to diminish a woman's right to be strong and vibrant!  God never created woman to be man's doormat.  Men need women and vice versa.

So here I am married now and my husband, my companion, is the embodiment of what a man should be.  He is not full of insecurities or un-trusting.  He strong and loving and works side by side with me.  Our roles at home are equal and we share the duties of caring for our children and the housework.  Each of us different in how we may handle these roles but it brings happiness and joy to our home.  There is love and romance and lots of fun in our marriage.  We appreciate each other and let it be known everyday not just with our words but our actions.

I feel whole in this marriage to my Husband and he feels the same.  We are in deed one but separate and equal.  Our marriage keeps growing stronger and even more exciting which is something I never dreamed possible.  I found the right partner for me to share this wonderful thing called life.  I hope others share such a strong and loving commitment to another, because it makes life so worth living.

I use to live in fear and worry each day when I woke up what it would be like or if my ex-husband would be in a good mood.   I use to think that I was the one responsible for making him happy and if he wasn't then I failed.  I now know that is wrong.

There is no fear or worry anymore.  There is no burden to be responsible for my spouses mood.  He is responsible for his choices and if he wants to be happy or not.  Now, yes I do hope I can make him happy and help him carry his load but I am not solely responsible to carry it all.  He reciprocates back to me the love, help and support and there we find the balance and the burdens of life are so much lighter for us both!

Nathan and I have been together for nearly 7 years and to this day, some say, we act like newlyweds.  We giggle and smile at each other when this is mentioned.  It is almost like a secret wink shared between us.

When we first met, neither of us were looking for someone and marriage was not an option for our lives.  I never wanted to remarry after what I went through before.  Nathan was happy, and not wanting to be married or have children.  However as we grew closer together, what we thought we wanted in life and what we thought was going to bring happiness, changed.

We wanted to be a family and raise children together.  No there was no over the top romantic proposal from my husband.  We both just looked at each other one day and agreed marriage would be best for us and went out and bought rings.  Yes it was quite spontaneous in a way and our families were both overjoyed for us.

I love being married to Nathan.  It just keeps getting better and better with him and the thought of growing old with him is so exciting!  My wish for each of you reading this, is to find such joy and happiness in marriage and not find it a burden to maintain.

*On a side note, I do highly recommend reading The Message, if you want to see how the scriptures were intended to be read and understood, without the breaks that the King James Version and other verses created.  It is enlightening and enjoyable, giving a fresh perspective on the teachings in both the Old and New Testaments.

Salami, Cheese Balls and Olive Oils, OH MY!!!

Yesterday, my Husband surprised me when he was able to leave work early!  So he and I hit the mall to check a few things out for the Holidays.  When we hit the Hickory Farms store I was in heaven.  Now I wanted to create a meat and cheese tray for Sunday, movies and tree decorating day.  What we found there was better then we imagined!

Of course we picked up the traditional Summer Beef Sausage Stick.  Hello!  That is like a staple from there.  Then we were shown a new product.  Yes I said new and boy was it delicious.  My whole Family, children included, love dry salami.  Once we tried it, both my Husband and I knew we had to buy some.  It was a must and would be perfect for Sunday.  Now the last couple of years I have been trying to hunt down their Swiss Cheese Log.  It has been missing or bought up so fast that I never got a chance to get one.  Of all the crazy cheese ball flavors out there, I just loved the Swiss Cheese Log from Hickory Farms.  This year, I found it but not as a log, a cheese ball!  I really don't care if it is a ball or a log, just as long as it is Swiss Cheesy goodness!  I KNOW this Swiss Cheese Ball with the hard salami will be AMAZING!

I wish I had time to take a better picture of all this yummy goodness but here is a sneak peek!

This was not our only discovery on our trip.  I really enjoy cooking with Balsamics and Olive Oils.  When I find really good ones, I almost want to go crazy and stock up on bottles and bottles and bottles of my favorite flavors.  Well in a kiosk at the mall there was a stand with lots and lots of Balsamic Vinegars and Olive Oils, for you to try and buy!Oh you bet we did some sampling and found a few we really loved.

The place was called Olioteca.  I am happy that I can order from them online, which makes it so much easier.  There were a few flavors at the mall that are not on the website I noticed.  

My favorite Balsamics other then their Traditional, was the Blackberry and Hickory.  My mouth was watering imaging how much more enhanced my meals would be with either of these flavors separate or combined.  I would use it to dip bread and on my salads!  There is just so much you can do!  

Olioteca has a wide variety of olive oils too that will astound you.  From aged olive oils to butter flavored, you name it they have it.  Yes, they do have a bacon infused olive oil too!  Some of my personal favorites, were the garlic, scallion and roasted chili.  Once again, you can cook with these, use them on salads or dip your favorite breads in them!

While I will be enjoying these great finds over the Holidays, these are also great gift ideas.  

I really had no idea what to expect yesterday on my spontaneous trip to our local mall, The Boise Town Square.  I left with no regrets.  After all, I was able to sample lots of tasty treats and purchase a few of them to bring home.

Tradition!

To say that my Family has Holiday Traditions in place, wouldn't be exactly true.  There are things we want to do and haven’t been able to do.  The last few years, my Family and I have been living in limbo away from everyone.  We have had to travel long distance to celebrate the Holidays and not stay in our own home, quite often.  One year we had a baby and ended up in another state staying at a Ronald McDonald house for the Holidays.  So to suggest that we have developed any kind of Traditions yet, would be no.

Last year for Christmas and New Year, we stayed up North and didn't travel and really made the time special with our Kids.  Both of their Birthdays are in the week leading up to Christmas.  This is an additional blessing and challenge.  However this year, we have moved back down close to all of our friends and family and will not have to travel and stay anywhere other than our own home!

This week I am getting our home prepped, scrubbed and ready to decorate for the Holidays.  Thanksgiving is coming upon us and we will be celebrating all through the weekend.  This year I get to actually cook and bring food to the Thanksgiving Dinner.  For me this is special and fun.  I really do love to cook and prepare food for those I love.  I started out only offering to bring one side dish but that has since multiplied to several.

In Boise, this weekend there is the Festival of Trees done by St. Alphonsus Regional Medical Center.  This event is something to take your family too and enjoy.  There is so much to do and see!.  We try to go every time we have been here in Boise and yes we are going this year.  Last year the line to see Santa was extremely long, and even though they had crafts and games for the Kids while they waited, it was just too long to wait.  So this year, I got an idea to make sure my Kids get to see Santa at this event.  I bought tickets to the Breakfast with Santa event!   Oh everyone is so excited and even Grandparents are coming with us.

 Yes on Black Friday when others are shopping, I will be having Breakfast with Santa and my family!  Afterwards we will spend the day, at the Festival of Tree’s watching performances and seeing all of the beautifully decorated trees.

Later we will have our Day after Thanksgiving Dinner with my Husband’s family where we will sit and feast on a seafood specialty, cioppino.  This has become somewhat of a Tradition and a lot of fun.  Breaking crab legs, dipping bread in the cioppino, laughing and enjoying the special time together as family and the good food is what this time is all about.

Saturday, I plan to try to hit a few stores to do some Christmas Shopping.  I am happy to say that my Husband and I have already been shopping and storing gifts away the last couple of months!  I really just want to hang out at the mall with my Family and see the decorations and pick up a few things that may be on sale.

Sunday is going to be a new Tradition for our Family and one I am very excited about.  First my Kids and Husband love it when we have Sunday Family Movie Day and I set up a veggie tray, a fruit tray and cheese tray with meat of some kind.  So we are combining our Family Movie Day with decorating our Christmas Tree and home!  I will have egg not and hot cocoa too for everyone.  My Husband and I can add in some Southern Comfort to our egg nog. ;)  However this is going to be a special day and a Tradition I hope to start and keep going for us. 

My Husband and I got a cute idea this year and who knows it may evolve into a Tradition we keep.  I had purchased these great fuzzy warm slippers for our Kids recently and put them away for Christmas.  Nathan, my Hubby, thought it might be a good idea to let our children open this gift on Christmas Eve.  I realized that it did sound like a nice idea and this way, the Kids will wake up and have something to put on their feet to keep them warm on Christmas morning.  Plus they are getting to open up a present the night before Christmas.  This isn’t something huge or fancy but it is something special.

On Christmas Eve, the Kids leave cookies and milk for Santa and a carrot for the reindeer, with a note.  When the Kids wake up, the cookies will be gone except for crumbs, the milk will have been drunk and the carrot will have been half eaten.  This is something my Husband’s Parents taught my son and I absolutely love it.  This is a Tradition we have kept up and will do so for as long as our Kids wish.

Then on Christmas morning, we open presents and eat a delicious breakfast.  Yes the Parents are drinking lots of coffee to keep up with the excited Kids.  Later in the day we will head out for Christmas Dinner.  This year we are headed to my Husband’s Parents home for the dinner.  We try to see everyone and split time during the Holidays to see both sides of our Families.  Sometimes we even get everyone together at once. 

There are other Traditions and things we may do.  We have our Kids Birthdays both in December, the week leading up to Christmas.  This adds a whole other dimension to our celebrations.  It isn’t easy finding a balance when I don’t burn myself out trying to keep everyone happy and involved.  My Kids this year will be turning 2yrs old and 7 yrs old.

From Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day, there is a whole lot of celebrating going on in our home.  We have much to be thankful for and much to celebrate.  Though I miss those who have passed away and are no longer with us this Holiday season, I celebrate the Holidays in honor of them knowing it is what they would want.  I know how special this time of year was to all of my Grandparents.  I miss them and cherish each memory.  I hope to pass on such wonderful memories to my own Children and someday Grandchildren too.

We are a young family and developing our own Traditions while bringing in a few of the ones we grew up with.  It can be a lot of fun, if you let it be.  Don’t let missing out on a Tradition bring you down during the Holidays.  Traditions are not supposed to be a burden or something to bring on added stress.  Instead let a Tradition bring back happy memories and the hope and joy of new memories to come.  

The "NOT" so Perfect Mom is Me!

It is OK not to be PERFECT!  No really it is!  I think this was and still is the hardest lesson to learn in life for me.

With that being said, it sure is hard to allow others to see the not so perfect side of ourselves.  Why?  For one thing, we often come across those who are harsh and judgmental.  Oh you know WHO I am talking about.  That friend or family member, who is quick to point out what you are doing wrong or how they would do something differently.

This judgmental friend or family member may think they are being just "oh so helpful" but in reality are just being mean and spiteful.  Their words sometimes come across as passive aggressive attacks.  Because of these types of people, we tend to hide or not want to open up and share our lives.

Well I feel if we were MORE open and less judgmental, we all would feel a whole lot better about ourselves.  So here I go:

1. I have a tower of boxes I need to unpack in my office from my recent move.  (I feel like their presence is mocking me especially since they are next to empty bookcases.)
2. There are boxes of toys to go through and sort to see what can be donated. (I keep hoping to find time to do this with my oldest child, but we have been busy this past month since we moved.)
3. I have dirty dishes from yesterday and this morning in my sink and clean dishes in my dishwasher.  (I think my husband and I are waiting to see who will tackle these first.)
4. I have a forgotten load of clothes in the washer, that should have been dried yesterday.  (I guess I need to re-wash this.  It is a good thing I bought more laundry detergent.  If I keep this up, I will be going through laundry detergent weekly!)
5. All of the beds are unmade. (Honestly I cannot remember the last time any of the beds were made...)
6. I have NO IDEA what I am going to make for dinner tonight.  I have yet to make a meal plan.
7. I would much rather be playing computer games today then chasing after my kids.  I want to be lazy!!!  

See there is my honesty!  Wow that sure felt good!  

Oh and I am watching my daughter sneak some of the popcorn I was eating last night while playing Borderlands 2.  

Oh Hey, I think I am getting lucky!  My hubby is taking the youngest on a walk along the GreenBelt!  Woo Hoo Mommy time!  I could be like super productive and impress everyone and tackle my list up above or just veg out and enjoy sometime without my little princess, climbing all over me, trying to grab my glasses and poke my eye balls out.

So what do YOU think I am going to do?

Coffee Time? Or Living Off of Coffee

I am living off of coffee and stress.  It really is amazing how much one can get done on those two things.  We are really moving in two days.  Two whole days.  I am piling the kids in the car with my friend Mary and following my husband and our friend Richard in a moving truck down to Boise Idaho.

I have downloaded episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants on my Son's iPhone.  I have made sure we have car chargers and cords for all of our electronics for the road trip.  Music playlists are being made for the drive also.  Still I know my kids will get board.  So I am putting together, books, crayons, and other little toys for them.

I am hoping we get some good sleep before we tackle this drive.  We have been packing up our home and it is about DONE!  This is a huge relief.

Nothing else has gone smoothly.  The movers had the wrong date to show up to load up the truck and finish packing anything left.  Our truck isn't going to be in our town for us to pick up.  Heck it isn't even going to be in our state! We have a 45 minute drive to go and pick up the stupid thing!!!  So tomorrow morning we are driving out and getting the moving truck with our friends, while our kids are being watched.  This does NOT thrill any of us one bit.

Since I do have to be up early to make this trip to pick up the moving truck I am going to hustle my hiney into bed and hopefully sleep.  I think the benedryl is kicking in.  I forgot I even took some.  My allergies are so intense with the pollen so bad right now.  I have had a couple of asthma attacks and that is worrisome.

Anyways, TTFN and enjoy your coffee!