Women's Rights to be Mothers and Work

Right now I am ashamed to be a woman.  Women laughing at other women who want more flexible rights in the work place to be there for their family.  Women discriminating against other women in the work place being ignored by the media and politicians.  Men are not the only ones to blame for work place discrimination.  I am sicken by women who look down on mothers who are working and juggling a family, especially single moms trying to do it all.

Who are you to mock a woman, working full time and raising a family?  Why should a woman NOT be given flexibility to take extended breaks while pregnant, or time off to make her doctor appointments without penalty or risk of losing her job?  Who decided 6 weeks was acceptable to separate a mom and a child after birth or risk losing her job and or be on an extended leave without pay?  Why should a woman have to sit in the bathroom, being docked pay to pump breast milk, to feed her baby?  Why should an employer not acknowledge that mothers, even fathers, need time off to pick up sick kids from school, or take time off to care for a sick child? 

It was a real eye opener for me when I became pregnant, was single and working.  I had to literally keep track of the minutes used for an actual break, bathroom breaks to pee, or vomit because I had constant “morning sickness” up and through my third trimester”.  This way they could track my work productivity and dock me the minutes used over the allotted time for breaks.  All the while, I had co-workers male and female giving me a hard time because, I needed to use the bathroom a lot and in their eyes, I wasn’t being treated equally and getting in trouble.  Oh I was being scrutinized and talked to about how I could possibly skip my regular breaks that I used to rest, as a pregnant woman needs too, so that I was more “productive”.   

Suggestions, like drink less water, and be more careful what I eat, so I am not having to use the restroom as much, were also made to me. 

I felt like I was a burden,  in trouble and at risk of losing my job because I am a woman and as a woman, we are the ones who get pregnant and give birth to babies, who grow up to be the next generation in this world.  This is how a woman is made.  Woman should have the right to bear children and not be mistreated, because their bodies are made this way. 

The mentality that a woman must be striped of her womanhood and more like a man to succeed in the work place, needs to end.  This notion isn’t only brought on by men, but women also who are in the work place. 

When I had to take time off to visit my doctor and because of some complications, I needed physical therapy 3 times a week, I needed to use FMLA in order to not accumulate “occurrences” and get fired, that would then end my health insurance.  (Being pregnant and out of work as a single mom, I would not be able to raise my son.  It would be near impossible to find a job where someone would actually hire me, knowing I would leave, plus I would no longer have FMLA to keep my job secure, and who knows how long I would have to wait until I would be eligible for insurance and what they would actually cover.  As for COBRA, without a job, I could not afford that extended coverage.)  FMLA only allows 12 weeks of time off in a 12 month period.  There are a lot of restrictions, paperwork and an approval process in order to actually use FMLA time.  I also could use FMLA if I was taking time off from work due to sickness related to pregnancy and had doctor proof and the paperwork done and approved.  While using FMLA sounds great, I would end up using a lot of those 12 weeks in the 9 months that I was pregnant, even before I gave birth and needed to use it to stay home with my child. 

For instance, I ended up having to take my leave early on October 31^st but my son wasn’t born until December 22^nd.  My early leave was nearly 8 weeks.  I may have had a couple of days of FMLA left by the time I gave birth to my son.  From that point on, my employer no longer had to save my position for me.  

My job was up for grabs and I was a nervous wreck.

I was fortunate, that I was able to secure my position and returned to work in six weeks after I gave birth to my son.  I kept in touch weekly giving progress reports and reassuring my employer that I really wanted to return to work and keep my job.  I felt under pressure, to impress my employers and wasn’t able to push work out of my mind, while I was supposed to be healing and bonding with my son.  Yes, I was lucky, I did get to return to a job, but it felt way too soon and there was no guarantee I had my job until I walked in and was given back security access and shown where my new desk was.  Too many mothers end up losing their job or are terminated as soon as they return.

I chose to breastfeed my son, for the nutritional benefits, as well as bonding ones.  As a working mother, this is not easy.  Many work places do not have private rooms for a woman to set up her pump and use it to get milk to feed her baby while she is at work.  Trying to set up and pump in a bathroom is not conducive to a productive pumping session.  I do not even want to think about the sanitary issues.  Also a lactating woman needs to take plenty of breaks to pump, so that she does not put her health at risk of infection and other dangers.  Oh and not to mention embarrassing spontaneous “let downs”. 

While I was allowed to take breaks to pump, I was under a lot of pressure to keep them timed; in order to dock my pay for anytime I needed that went longer then my allotted break times.  I did not get a regular break or time to run out for lunch as other employees.  I was expected to sit in a dark room pumping, so that I was still a productive employee.  I was ridiculed for how long it would take to pump and how often I had to.  I would be questioned why on one day, I needed less time and then another day, I needed longer time.  I was being treated like I was a machine that should be able to produce on demand and the same out each time within a specific time limit.  By the way, that is not how a woman’s body works when it comes to producing breast milk.  I was also being compared to another woman who was also pumping.  She was getting treated far worse then I because, I was able to not need as much time for breaks to pump as she did.  

No two women are the same and this comparison never should be made.  I did try to explain, this to my employers to stick up for my fellow co-worker.  Unfortunately, it did not get through their heads. 

As a few months went by, it became harder to pump and I was being asked when I was going to stop breastfeeding, so they could figure out what they need to do.  I wasn’t clear on what they meant by, need to do, but I didn’t like the sound of it.  I felt like it was a threat.  I didn’t let their bullying stop me.  Even though almost daily I had to meet and report on how my pumping was coming along and promise to somehow magically get better and faster.  Trust me, these meetings were also held against me because I was not being productive and they had to take time to talk to me about these issues! However through all of that nonsense, my son was breastfed for a year.  I should not be pressured to stop after 2 months or even 6 months, nor should I be docked pay to take time to pump or to have daily meeting on the progress of how long it takes to pump and how I can reduce my breaks.  I even asked if I could come in early or work a little late, to help cover the time I was being docked and I was denied that by my employers.  I was told, to figure out how to manage my time better, so that I wasn’t being docked pay.  For me, that was ridiculous!

Remember how I used up my FMLA and had to wait another 12 months before I could use it again?  Well this meant, that if I needed time off to take my newborn to his doctor’s appointments or he was sick and being a single mom, I had to be home with him, I was gaining occurrences, too many occurrences like 3, would put me on probation and if I missed work or was late while on probation, I would be fired.  This is neither right nor fair for mothers, single moms, or parents. 

No one, especially women, should be penalized in the workplace for having children!  Co-workers should not be ridiculing or mocking their fellow co-workers for being parents and needing time off for their families. 

No this is NOT the 1950’s, and making jokes trying to portray today’s working moms as the non-working homemakers of the 1950’s and putting women down who do want to be home on time to cook dinner for their families, hurt’s women’s rights and causes division instead of uniting women and standing up for what women, including mother’s in the workforce rights are!

There needs to be equal pay!  A man should NOT be hired over a woman, because she is a mother or young enough to become one.  Women should be treated equally and given equal opportunities for promotions.  However a woman should not have to give up her right to be a woman, which includes, having and caring for her children.  This should not be left up for the state’s to decide, this is a federal government issue.  There needs to be put in place by the federal government laws to protect women nationwide.  Too many states have loopholes, such as “right to work” that are used against employees, such as working mothers who need flexibility in hours and breaks.

Employers need to stop trying to track an employee’s productivity with spreadsheets and graphs, calculating averages based on week to week activities, monitored and kept tracked by minute to minute detailed updates to verify, the employee is not wasting company money.  Employees are human beings and unable to maintain a specific task at a constant pace like a machine.  There are constant variables that need to be added to the equation when figuring out how long something will take to get done.  No matter how hard you try to predict a timeframe, you cannot expect it always to work out the way you hoped.

If employers could accept this concept, perhaps it would be easier for them to be more open and willing to be fair to women and not treat a pregnant or lactating woman, as an object.  I felt like I was an object and had to share with a group of people the intimacies of my pregnancies and my personal struggles as a breastfeeding mom.  It was degrading and embarrassing.  My right to privacy was being denied.  There is no reason, why I should account for the minutes and explain in detail why I had a bad day of needing more breaks.  It is not their place to tell a pregnant woman not to drink so much water, or what to be eating, so that I am not having to pee or getting “morning sickness” as much and needing extra breaks. 

All of this was humiliating and this pressure and ridicule came from the women I worked for, who were single, didn’t have kids, and/or never had severe “morning sickness”, and used formula instead of breastfeeding.  Perhaps some of the men, told them to do this, but that doesn’t make it right. 

As I said, I am ashamed right now to be a woman.  I hear women screaming about the importance of women’s Rights, but if a mother speaks up about her rights, she becomes the butt of jokes. 

Listen up, and pay attention, I made a choice, and my choice was to have my son.  Respect that choice of mine and don’t try to stifle my voice!  I want the right to raise my children to be good, wise and productive members of society and I don’t want that hindered by archaic beliefs that a woman has to de-feminize herself and be more like a man in order to get equal rights in the work place. Do NOT take away my right to be a WOMAN, have a family and hold a job.  This means that I, a mother should be allowed to be pregnant, give birth, choose what is right for my child and take an extended leave that is more than 6 weeks and breastfeed my child, without, risk of losing my job, losing pay for extra time off and getting equal job opportunities and pay!

Wow I sure sound demanding!  No, I am being blunt and straight forward.  I am not saying men; do not deserve many of these rights either as a single dad or parent. 

What I am saying is; every woman should have the right to be a mother!

*This was my experience back in 2005-2006 and it changed my outlook on life and women’s rights.  I am now married, my son is almost 6, and I have a 10mos old daughter and am a Stay At Home Mom.  I sometimes miss working, I really do.  Being a Stay At Home Mom has brought on many new challenges and I feel like I am running a small business.  Working Moms and Stay at Home Moms need to unite and speak up more about the right of a woman to be a mother without shame.  I cannot believe how there is a division amongst women when it comes to views of a woman’s place and rights in the work place.  Perhaps one day, all women will see eye to eye and realize that being a mother and making children the priority is neither a negative nor a step backwards.  Being a mother has been the greatest gift in my life. 

Please feel free to comment and share your experiences below!